Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in I'm Your OneWay Street's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, November 10th, 2004
2:30 pm	Monthly Update Not dead, but utterly distracted. I've got new hair but no idea as to where to host a pic of it. "Finding Mrs. Miller" - The Bay Area Premiere Point Reyes Dance Palace Saturday November 13th @ 8pm Join my mother and at least five other people at this exciting theatre event! (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
12:58 am	Mama Phillis + SF There is nothing better than bringing my mom to the gay bar I work at and having a GREAT TIME with her there. Love my mom. Love my work. Please help me eat the cheesecake she made. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
12:20 pm	Oh So Yeah I refuse to get a cell phone because part of me still believes that this is a fad that will soon die out. Hey, I held off on the Giga Pet in junior high and look who got the last laugh on that one. Sega Saturn? I rest my case. Also I recently dreamt of a mom and a son trick-or-treating. The son was dressed as a travel-size tube of toothpaste and the mom was a Capri Sun pouch. The straw was her hat! I think these may be the best Halloween costume ideas my subconscious has ever come up with. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 16th, 2004
3:17 pm	HOW TO: a three week city veteran's guide Survive the Gay Bar as a Patron: Get Drunk. Survive the Gay Bar as an Employee: Laugh it off. --i.e., when a sauced elderly patron calls you a cocksucker for trying to clear his not-so-empty glass, try to find humor in the fact that his insult is astute, though uncalled for. Avoid the slippery slope of TMF (Too Much Faggotry). --i.e., maintain your wisp of masculinity at all costs though you will be bombarded by top 40 bubble-gum music, fashion realms that frighten and intrigue you, and alluring yet dangerous fruity drinks with the word "pink" anywhere in the title. Ride the MUNI: Every man, an Island. --i.e., maintain a strict policy of "delusional until proven lucid" and enforce this at all times. Do not display bright colors, choose seats and words carefully. Nine times out of ten, those appearing to talk on a hands-free cell phone are actually talking to themselves, God, the voices, etc. --Assume these are important conversations, and do not interrupt. Current Mood: seasoned (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 29th, 2004
11:44 pm	If Journey sings about it, I wanna live there. San Francisco has made me feel comfortable, much faster than I thought I could. I am applying to work at a gay bar, which kind of seems like a great choice and also a really bad choice all at the same time. Also, I am concocting a plan to create a catering business where my mom makes all the food and my actor friends and I serve it. It will be called "Madam Lasagna's Cheesecake Company" and it will flourish. Our place is amazing(!). Pics to follow when I get the e-connection in my room. (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
10:52 pm	I'm throwing a going away party for myself on Thursday 4 days until I disembark for the City. You know, I was never scared to go. The thought of living in a city excites me, and I LOVE OUR PLACE. So I was never really scared, but recently I got sad. Not because I'm going, but because I am leaving...Santa Barbara, that is. What an amazing place. But today an unexpected person made a good point: "It's not the place, it's the people. You can come back here and it will be the same, but without the people, it's not home anymore." Yes. Yesyesyes. So these next four days, I'm living in this place like I've never lived in it before. Next update is in the City. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 2nd, 2004
1:04 am	August First I cried a little tonight when I saw the pictures of the apartment we got in San Francisco. Just a little. It was a good cry. Some would say a great cry. It's a fucking miracle. Like, so good it has to be haunted. And if so, it's going to take some seriously fucked-up The Exorcist kind of shit to get me out of this place because a little blood out of the faucet now and then I can handle. ****** Had a reconciliatory rafting event with Erin today and it was a d******. Being back on speaking terms is awesome, and it only cost me one ticket for-- get this-- Impeding Traffic. I swear we were in the car for 30 seconds tops, but Isla Vista cops always have something to prove. More on this event as new fines/court dates arise. 21 days left in Southern California. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 16th, 2004
1:32 pm	Fat Chola Eighth Graders Descend Upon Me I almost had to put a curse on some junior high girls today. Apparently there is some godawful scamp camp taking place somewhere near my cart because they swarm me like locusts during their 15 minutes of exercise. Chola #1: (pointing to Coffee of the Day poster) What's that Caramel Nut Fudge thing? Me: That's our Coffee of the Day. Chola #1: Do you have fudge? Me: No. Chola #2: What can I get for a dollar? Me: A bagel or a cookie. Chola #1: Do you have any chocolate at all? Me: YES we have a lot of chocolate items. Chola #1: But you don't have no fudge? Me: No fudge, just the fudge coffee. Chola #2: Can i get one of those big muffiny thingies? Me: You don't have enough to buy it. Chola #1: Can't you just give it to us for half off like people do sometimes? Me: Umm...no? What?! No. And then they went around front and touched every teabag. Zero Population Growth for the love of God (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 12th, 2004
1:31 pm	Okay okay so I thought about it So last night a drunk fifteen year old girl jocked me harder than I have EVER been jocked before. Wait...we'll back up. So there's this place called Ojai...maybe you've heard of it but I doubt you've been. The place is wholeheartedly, undoubtedly "the sticks." I saw my friends' show there last night then went to his place for an all-nighter. Now, this place is fer sure a mansion. Any place with two TV/Family rooms on separate sides of the house is a mansion. Stables, pool, jacuzzi, orchard--these are all the places I drank. And smoked. It was fucking amazing. Then there was Kayla, the little sister's friend. As the no-greater-than-four beers coursed through her system and befuddled the little brain beneath her perfect blonde coif, I was starting to look pretty good to her. She is FIFTEEN. And I am SO GAY. Kayla: Oh my God is my eye make-up messed up? (gets dangerously close) Me: Nah you're okay but you could use some Visine. Kayla: (grabs my hand) Oh my God come help me find some! Me: Oh I just used it, it's in the next room on the desk. Kayla: But come with me to get it anyway. (bleary-eyed smile) Me: Um. I can't do that. For the rest of the night I couldn't get a goddam moment's peace. I've never seen such a cock-hungry middle-teenager and I've never known anyone to fail so miserably at getting the hint. Ten bucks she's pregnant in a year. And no it won't be mine and yes I have witnesses who will back that up. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
7:28 pm	Summer in Suffragette City Had a lengthy and futile chat-off with a music snob on SoulSeek today who wouldn't let me snag his files because I don't have my "files organized." I was painfully nice to him because, "He'll realize what an unreasonable prick he's being any second now and just let me have the goddamn David Bowie." Twenty minutes of my life I'll never get back. And no Bowie. *** So this is basically my day. Four of five weekdays I get up and work a paltry shift at a coffee cart on campus that is a well-kept secret, which means I basically get paid to listen to the radio and draw. I am writing and designing a comic book with this time. I get off no later than 1pm on these days and then I go to the beach if it's sunny, go work out if it's not, and I'm usually drunk by 9. Weekends = road trips or drunk by 4. I have a really good tan, I'm in the best shape of my life even though I'm clinging to bad habits, and a full sketchpad. That's pretty much all I have to show for the past three weeks of my life. Which would be okay. If I had Bowie. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 28th, 2004
1:52 pm	I Heart SF This was the best Pride ever, let me tell you. We did the usual things, including drinking, laughing at outfits, shuddering or delighting in the absence of outfits. I fandangled myself into a ritzy Castro party, teased the throng of street gays from the safety of a balcony, got sauced and snatched an inflatable pink flamingo...he was one of many so I don't think he'll be missed. His name is Floyd now and we are the best of friends. Okay I know that Pride for some people is garish and an example of what gay life should NOT be, but I think my first-timer straight female friends found one of the good parts-- they pointed out that even though the street was crammed with people, if you got your toe stepped on or someone drunkenly stumbled and bumped you, there was an "excuse me" or an apology every time. See? Gays are good times. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 24th, 2004
4:15 pm	The Call Part Two Okay. So I've just graduated and I'm sitting at home with friends and we are baked. Then I get a call. Caller: Hey Mike! Mike: Yeah...who's this? C: Linda! M: Ummm...I don't know any Lindas. C: (laughs) M: Um...okay. I think you have the wrong number. C: Are you saying you're not my brother-in-law? M: I am definitely not your brother-in-law. C: (laughs) Okay now this is the point when any normal or sober person would, you know, hang up. I, however, am neither. M: Who are you trying to reach? C: You're jerking me around Mike. M: I swear I'm not your brother. C: Yes you are. M: Okay well then who am I married to? C: The poo! M: Oh my God WHAT?! C: (laughs) M: The poo? Is that a nickname? C: The poo, the poo. M: What's her real name? C: (laughs) M: Okay I'm really sorry but you and I don't know each other. C: Yes we do. (puffing sound) M: Are you smoking? C: Well yeah, but not what I'd like to be. M: Ohhhhh shit! What would you like to be smoking? C: You know, that...some of that...(incoherent mumble) M: Well it sounds like neither of us need that stuff right now huh? C: (laughs) M: You said your name was Linda right? C: Gaboo. M: WHAT?!?! C: (laughs) M: Your name is Linda Gaboo? C: Gaboo. M: And I am married to Poo Gaboo? C: Yeah. Yes. M: Umm...okay. Sure why not. Okay keep in mind that I am TOTALLY FUCKED UP THIS WHOLE TIME. And she sounded like she was about forty, freshly woken from a nap. M: So where are you? C: Oh way far away. M: Where? C: East. Far, far east. M: And where am I? C: Oh you're over there. M: Where? C: Just right over there. M: Okay. What time is it where you are? C: Time time time. What's time? M: I don't know what is it? C: Doesn't mean anything. It's just, you know, (incoherent mumble). We should just get rid of time. M: I totally agree. And I did agree, because I was fucked up. And I'm pretty sure she was too. M: Okay well I really should go now Linda. C: Awwwww. M: I know but talking to you has been an unexpected surprise. C: (laughs) M: I hope you get a hold of the people you're related to. C: Actually I'm not related to anybody. M: Ummmm. WHAT? C: I'm not related to anybody. I called you for a reason. M: (freaked the fuck out) Um. Okay. What's the reason? C: You'll find out. M: When? C: (incoherent mumble) And after that I made a quick goodbye and told her to call me back whenever she wanted to explain herself. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!!!!??!!? (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 20th, 2004
3:24 pm	The Call Part One Ugh I hate Father's Day. Stop throwing your stupid fathers in my face you bitches. Okay so this woman calls me the other day and leaves the most bizarre message: "Hey MIKE it's (incomprehensible mumble). Just seeing if the poo was available. I love y'all, take care, bye bye." Okay weird right? And she sounded like she was about 40 and just woke up from a nap. I deleted this message. Then two nights later I'm shitfaced drunk and she calls again. I actually pick up and we randomly talked for like 5 minutes. To Be Continued (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 19th, 2004
1:35 am	Okay Fine. SO. I guess I'll start with what's been up...? Well I'm a college graduate now, which is weird.... It doesn't really hit you until you're packing all of your pencils and papers and you start to label the box "SCHOOL SUPPLIES" and then you realize that you are done with school FOREVER. So you cross out the "SCH" you wrote and put "DESK SUPPLIES" instead. Or at least that's how it hit me. I won some awards and money so that was good. And now I'm drinking and smoking everyday, going to the beach and swimming in the ocean everyday, basically enjoying one last Santa Barbara summer before moving to San Francisco in September. And I have a really fun story to tell but not now, I'm hella tired. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
1:25 am	This Week, On MIKE: New Vocab: gnar-gnar (adjective): of or referring to a state of disappointed distaste; a quality of extreme undesirability. Root: gnarly "Having a hangover all day in Clown class today was so gnar-gnar." USE WISELY and SPARINGLY. This Week's Delight: *DVDs of "The Awful Truth" with Michael Moore (his first television brainchild, predecessor of "TV Nation", also a delight) *Old Spice High Endurance Bodywash, a gift from my hetero life-partner who has money to throw around on full-body hygiene products other than soap. This manly-smelling delight's packaging features the choice tagline: "WON'T WASH AWAY MASCULINITY!" Which leaves me feeling not only fresh, but also secure in my manhood. Thanks, Old Spice. *Foreigners who try to make me a Friendster. Profile du'jour: "I want to meet person with same interest like me! i like to meet punky person! i hate turbo geek personn!" ~Seri Oh Seri, we're all liking to meet punky person. No one wants turbo geek personn. Current Music: Travis (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 16th, 2004
5:12 pm	They really do have more fun. You know, sometimes being an actor is pretty cool. Like when you need blonde hair for a part and the UCSB Theatre Department funds a $200+ three-hour long session with Gunilla, the sassy Swedish stylist. ( This looks much better than when I did it myself freshman year. ) (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 8th, 2004
5:09 am	For the first time in my 21 years, I went skinny dipping. Tonight, in the ocean, with 2 beautiful ladies and 5 beautiful gentlemen. And that shit was SO COLD. Luckily I brought my alcohol wetsuit. Current Mood: finally warm (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 7th, 2004
3:48 am	"I am the best liar you ever knew in your life." So the last time I read "Cathcer in the Rye," I was in 8th grade and I didn't read it so much as skim it. And I didn't get it so much as hate it. I've started it again. It's the fucking bomb. Only problem is, anyone that sees you reading it has an opinion. Of the book and cosequently of your choice to read it. "Ohhhhh, in a dark mood huh?"...is the most common. And the book really ifluences your vocab. I called someone a "phony" today for the first time in YEARS. Oh J.D. where are you when I need you? (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 1st, 2004
11:41 pm	You're Dead, Fucker Yo kay. Long time no talk. The show went well, for those of you who are interested. Let's talk about the baby possum in my bathroom. Alright so tonight, I go to take a shower. The long, luxurious manicuring shower. You gays know of what I speak. And I see a serpentine tail dart beneath our medicine table as I enter. I am quite drunk so I pause and ask myself, was it real? A pair of innocent eyes peek out to confirm my suspicions. I try to coax it out with my slurred honey words, it does not respond. I dart by into the shower and hope it will depart the way it has entered. No good. That fuckin' possum is still there. It's so cute! However, I will kill it if I have to. There's no room for the both of us. Advice? (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
3:05 pm	Mr. Phillis's Opus "Finding Mrs. Miller" Okay. If you are anywhere near UCSB, you're not going to want to miss this show. Saturday, April 24th and Sunday, April 25th @ 2pm and 8pm (both days). UCSB Studio Theatre FREE. Let's just say there's a lot of this: (25 Comments |Comment on this)